A tribute to a best friend....

Friday was the WORST day of my life!!! I had such high hopes of it being the beginning of a great weekend! I started my new 7-3:30 work shift last week, however, I had not made it to work by 7:00 yet. I set my alarm to get up early BC Friday was going to be the day, I had a million things to do at work and we were taking raylee to the circus so I needed to get off on time.

So my alarm goes off and I roll over and Delilah is sitting up.starring at me. I get up, pick her up and tell Josie to get up and go tee tee, just like I do every morning.

The closer I get to the back door I noticed that Delilah was panting, which didn't alarm me BC I had the heated mattress pad on and she was snuggled up under my pillow sleeping like she does every night. Once I got to the door I noticed my gown was wet like she tee teed on me. I flipped the light on and she was gasping for air. I started seeming and woke billy up. He grabbed a towel and got her from me and laid her on the bed. As she was laying there gasping for air she pooped. In my heart I knew our time with her was coming to a end.

I called my parents about 5:30 screaming & crying. I probably woke everyone up that lives between us & my parents. I couldn't just sit there and watch her die. I couldn't. As I was sobbing on the phone with my mom I looked over and our beagle, Bailey, had jumped up on the bed and was licked her little head.

Billy kept telling me to come on that she needed me. Something came over me and I was able to pick her up and hold her. I brought her in the living room and rocked her and we loved on her until she died at 5:40 a.m.

Even after she died I held, rocked and talked to her until the time came that I finally had to hand her over to billy. At 8:30 he took her to be cremated and that was the last time I would ever hold & see my sweet girl again.

We brought her home last night and I can't wrap my head around that my sweet little lilah is in that box. When I got ready to go to bed last night I put her in between my pillow and the head board Just like I have for what seems like forever.

Mark bought her for me in 1998 when I was a junior in high school. She was two years old. We have been through a lot together. I knew I would be sad When she died but I had no idea it would hurt This bad. I really feel like my best friend has died.

I want to think that with time it will get better but its hard to see it through all of the tears.......

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

Moving on....

Well its official....I have bit the bullet, gone outside my comfort zone and accepted a job in the private sector. On July 11, 2011 I will begin working at Baptist Medical Center as a floor social worker.

Normally I am ok with change but this terrifies me. I have worked for the state for 7 years and seriously thought I would retire in the state system. Despite their low pay and lack of acceptable insurance there has always been a sense of job security that I have felt that I am not sure I will have working in the "private world." Billy has done his part in advancing in his career and nearly doubling his salary since his first job out of college and now it is my turn. I feel like I owe it to him & Raylee to step outside my comfort zone and at least try it.

I know I will like the work because most of my experience is in medical social work and I LOVE the medical setting. It is the non-state medical setting that I am unsure of....haha! Hopefully everything will work out and we will live happily ever after. If not I know that I can always come back to DHS and work in the county....right?!?!

Stars & Stripes

This weekend we did something that I didn't think we would be doing for a very long time....if ever again! Raylee was in the Bella Rose Stars & Stripes Pageant in Pelahatchie. After several pageants, feeling the need to commit child abuse and nearly the end of my marriage I decided that Raylee would be in another pageant when she was able to say "I want to be in a pageant."

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't the toddler and tiara mom who made her get up there and got pissed when she didn't win. Raylee always had fun and wanted to do them, she just didn't play by the rules per say.

She thought that the stage was her own personal soccer field and she could run, jump and play on it as she saw fit. When she was corrected she would get pissed and fall out on the stage or dive off the front of it. Yes, I said dive off the front of the stage! She did that at the Hattiesburg pageant oh and lets not forget that was the same pageant she acted such a fool in running around that her diaper came loose and was around her ankles. This was pointed out to me by a judge during crowning.

Anyway, I have been thinking about trying her in another pageant just to see how she would do. She has been talking about and showing us her "pageant walk" for some time now but I just didn't have it in me to try it. Well last week I was contacted by the director saying that the numbers were low and asking me to put her in it and she offered me a great discount. I just happen to find the cutest petticoat skirt that was very cheap and the rest was history!

After getting her dress we walked in the auditorium, got a seat and waited for the pageant to start. We weren't even seated yet and Raylee took off to the side of the stage, climbed up on it and away she went! We didn't even practice before the pageant. when she got up on stage she looked for the first x, went and stood on it and did her thing all by herself!

headed to the second x

now on the third. Did she sneeze????

No mam...she was giving sugars!!!! Not sure where she saw this at. This was very Toddlers and Tiaras......

After coming off stage and waiting for the other contestants to go up she would run around and act a straight up FOOL!!! By the time crowing had come around we were all wore out, frustrated, ready to beat her and get a divorce. Saturday was totally different! She sat there the WHOLE time minding her business and watching the other girls. We were all like WHO IS THIS CHILD???

and you know we couldn't leave "Pageant Dad" out! He went up on stage with his baby girl during crowning!

She won prettiest eyes and placed Princess (2nd) in her division!!! She did great!!!!

A Tribute to Billy for Father's Day

Lyrics to

Family Man

By Craig Campbell

I've been working as a temp
At the local factory
I hope the hire me on full time
I've got shoes to buy
and a mouth to feed




I drive a buy here pay here truck
It aint new but it is to me
it fires right up
and it gets me from A to B

What puts the dirt underneath my nails
What keeps the calluses on my hands
A family man

They are the world my world revolves around

My sacred piece of solid ground

The flesh and bone that gives me strength to stand

The fire in my coming home

The drive behind my coming home

The living breathing reason I am

A family man

There are dirty shirts to wash

Dishes in the sink to do

and there is how many times does 17 go into 52

and there's bed time prayers to pray

There's sleep tights and I love you's

And there's a pair of eyes

I get to loose myself into

What keeps me keeping the faith

What makes me believe I can

A family man

They are the world my world revolves around

My sacred piece of solid ground

The flesh and bone that gives me strength to stand

The fire behind my driving on

The fire behind my coming home

The living, breathing, reason that I am

A family man

There's a fire in my driving on

The drive behind my coming home

The living, breathing, reason that I am

A family man

A family man

Happy Father's Day out there to all of the Daddy's Especially Billy! I couldn't ask for a better husband or baby daddy. When I say that this man is Raylee's world I mean just that. She LOVES her daddy!!! This next pic says it all!!!!

Every morning when I go in her room to wake her up the first thing out of her mouth is "Where my daddy?" I'm not going to lie, in the beginning it totally hurt my feelings and still does on some days but I guess I just have to accept that she is a daddys girl!

He works so hard to be able to provide not only for her but for me as well. He truly wants to give her everything in his power and then some.

Happy Fathers Day Billy!!!!

We LOVE you!!!

Raylee's crafts

I don't think I officially announced that we took Raylee out of the the daycare that she has been going to since she was 8 weeks old and put her in a pre-school in Pearl. This came after much thought, consideration & prayer. Everyone that knows Raylee knows that she is one strong willed little girl. We felt that she needed a structured & educational environment. We researched several different preschools & their curriculum's and finally decided on one. She was not supposed to start until the end of May but due to a series of events we made the decision to go ahead and move her now. There are no hard feelings with the old daycare and they will forever hold a special place in our hearts for caring for our sweet girl for 2 1/2 years! She is slowly but surely adjusting to her new preschool. Every day seems to get a little easier. She still cried some this morning but for the first time this week I didn't! YAY me!!! The mama in me hates leaving her crying but I know that this place is the best place for her and we have made the right choice. I know she has not even been there a week but I am AMAZED at what she has learned and some of the stuff she is doing! Monday when I picked her up there was a "news letter" from her teacher telling us what they will be talking about and learning this week. In the newsletter it gave some tips on how we as parents could help our kids by discussing some of the things with them in car on the way to school or in the tub etc.... This week they are learning about grass. Tuesday while we were riding down the road out of no where I asked Raylee what color is grass. Normally when you ask her things like that she says "blue", everything is always blue. Well this time she said "green"! I was so amazed! I realize that there are probably other kids her age that would have already know this and she is a little behind but I am still so proud of her! She has only been there 2 days (at that time) and she is already learning!!! Here are a few things that she has done this week.......

She made this on Monday! Billy & I are so proud of it.

I think it is very frameable....don't you?

She did this on Tuesday!

She did this on Wednesday. They went outside & picked grass

and taped it to the sheet of paper and they call it a

"grass viewer". It is really cute and she is

really proud of it!

At this point I realize what a goob I sound like getting all excited over this kind of stuff. Her teacher said that she REALLY enjoys the activities that they do and things that they make. Maybe she will be just like her mama and be crafty! Not only have we notice that she is learning but there has also been a change in her behavior. She has been in the best mood when I pick her up in the afternoons. We laugh and talk the whole way home. In the past she would start whining and crying from the time I picked her up until she went to bed. We come home and she plays while I cook dinner. She sits at the table and eats her dinner like a big girl. She still doesn't like bath time very much. She wants to get in, get bathed and get out. When it is time to settle in for the night it doesn't take her long at all to go to sleep. I guess she is just so tired from all of the excitement during the day that she is just pooped! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers and we continue to make this transition.

Here we go.....

Here are a few pics of Raylee as she is going into her new school Monday morning. I have a few more but for some reason it wont let me upload them. I have been trying since Monday night so I decided to just post what I have.

Would you hurry up! You are embarrassing me!

Oh my!!!! She is still at it!! Yes, notice the tutu. She HAD to wear it! No outfit is complete without one.

Sigh..... tear.....sigh.... my baby is growing up way to fast!!!!

Tears, tears and more tears.....

September 6, 2008

Raylee's 1st day of daycare

April 4, 2011

Raylee's 1st day of Pre-School

We were all smiles when this picture was taken this morning, however, it was short lived. She did great getting out of the car this morning and walking in. She got really shy as we walked into her classroom. She cried for a little while, Billy cried for a minute and I cried all day and as I am typing this blog...haha! I only called 8,000 times to check on her but all in all she had a really good day! She ate great. She played great and took a great nap. When I walked in to pick her up she ran up to me and shouted "I pee peed in the potty today." She was so proud of herself! Then she started telling me all of the great things that she did today. She was talking so fast and was so excited. We felt all along that we were making the right choice for her and this was conformation. Hopefully tomorrow morning will go smoothly and with less tears.